The Chronicles of Megascream
by Clumsy Peg
Summary: Full of crack, innuendos, and Megascream. Need I say more?


**This lovely little fic I have going here will be centered around MEGASCREAM, entirely for Kibble Beast and her AWESOMENESS.**

**I hope you enjoy this semi-short chapter :P**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.**

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"_STAAARRRSCREEAAAAMM!!!!"_

Megatron waited impatiently for his epically useless Second in Command to show up. Exactly 2.436 seconds later, Starscream appeared, (a new record for approaching from the other side of the base, I might add), bowing.

"Yes, Lord Megatron?"

"Stand up, you fool!" Megatron replied, whacking the Seeker on the back of the head, and causing him to fall to the floor. "I said _stand_, not sit! Imbecile!"

Starscream growled (in his mind, of course, not out loud), leapt to his feet, and waited for his leader to elaborate as to why he was called.

"_Well_?" was all Megatron would offer.

Starscream, knowing he would be whacked again if he didn't figure out what he was supposed to figure out in a matter of seconds, frantically looked around for some clue. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The walls were still walls of Doom, the floor was still a floor of Doom, the table was a table of Doom…Aha! There it is.

"The pillow, my lord?" Starscream asked tentatively.

"A flying cow? No, you idiot, this thing!" Megatron shouted unnecessarily, pointing to the pillow. He whacked Starscream. Again.

Rolling his optics to himself, Starscream replied, "Ah, yes, indeed. My apologies, master. That is what the fleshlings of this planet call a 'pillow'."

"A pillow, you say?"

"Yes, master."

"What is it used for?"

"Fleshlings seem to want comfort, my lord. They put their heads on these 'pillows' before slipping into recharge."

"Pathetic insects," Megatron muttered, optics narrowing at this 'pillow' contraption. "I need no such comfort for I am Megatron! I am too tough for comfort!…Poke it, Starscream."

"W-what?" Starscream asked, startled by this sudden change of direction.

"I said _poke it_, you fool!" Megatron yelled, raising a fist to hit his useless underling yet again.

"But Lord Megatron, we have no idea where this came from. It could be booby-trapped!" Starscream said quickly, dodging the imposing fist much like Jazz dodges wrenches. The saboteur would have been proud.

"_Poke it_, Starscream, or _I_ will poke _you_. And _trust_ me, you _won't_ like it if I do," Megatron said dangerously, flexing a claw for emphasis.

Starscream gulped. Between facing a quite possibly deadly booby-trapped pillow and being poked by Megatron…he'd take the pillow.

Cautiously, Starscream extended a single claw. This thing could be a cleverly disguised trap, or worse…one of Wheeljack's experiments. The Seeker quickly touched the ominously innocent pillow before recoiling violently.

Nothing happened.

Megatron growled at his Second in Command's cowardice but otherwise held back any snappy retort he was thinking of. Self restraint; he has it. …When he wants it. …Which isn't often.

Still cautious, Starscream reached out and delicately--

"--fool! Decepticons are not delicate! We are rough!" Megatron sneered evilly.

--and _roughly_ placed a claw on the pillow.

"Well?"

"It seems to be harmless, my liege," Starscream replied, leaning closer to inspect the strange anomaly, relieved that it hadn't blown up in his face. At least he knew it wasn't a Wheeljack item now.

"What did you say its purpose was again?"

"You don't remember--"

"Silence! I have no need to remember such insignificant things, for I am Megatron! I have insignificant underlings like you to do that for me!"

"But I'm the only one you do this to--"

"I said SILENCE!"

Starscream fell silent.

"Well, what are you waiting for? What is this thing's purpose?"

Starscream thought about mentioning the earlier command to be silent--

"--I know that look, Starscream. You are thinking something sarcastic towards me!" Megatron growled.

"Of course not, my lord!"

"And that is the Tone of Lying!" Megatron continued, advancing upon his Second in command. "Be careful, Starscream. Don't make me bring out the new punishment."

Starscream paled. Any time Megatron had a "new punishment," it was always extremely embarrassing and had a ninety-eight percent chance of pain. And he was always the only one to receive such punishment. Such is his life.

Starscream answered before any more mention of the "new punishment" was uttered. "For recharging fleshlings, my lord. It is soft and malleable--"

"Ah! Like the boy? The boy is soft and malleable!" Megatron shouted triumphantly. "Out of my way, cretin!" The Decepticon commander shoved the Seeker roughly to the side, and snatched the soft, malleable substance from the table.

Megatron's initial glee faded when he realized the pillow was not nearly as entertaining to squeeze. The boy had warm flesh. This pillow had cold fabric. The boy had limbs and bones that could snap off. The pillow did not. The boy screamed and made delightful sounds. The pillow did nothing.

"So disappointing," Megatron sighed. "Pillow? What a stupid name. I would call it "Pathetically Useless Fluff-Bag of Insignificance," The Decepticon leader sneered. He wished he had the boy again. "Starscream! Fetch me the boy!"

"I am not some dog to be sent out---"

"You are, and you will fetch me the boy!"

"Do you realize the sheer amount of protection the Autobots will have around Sam?!?"

"Sam?…He is the boy, not Sam!" Megatron said angrily.

"…okay. The boy, then. The protection the Autobots provide him will be extremely solid."

"…Your point?"

"It is nearly impossible to get him with everyone, as we've rarely succeeded before. What makes you think I can get him on my own?!?"

"It is just a boy, Starscream. A mere fleshling. Surely this task is not too difficult for even you to accomplish."

"But the Autobots will have him surrounded--he's probably residing at their freaking _base_--and there's those fleshling soldiers--!"

"What was that? You said you wanted to see what the new punishment was?" Megatron said evilly.

"N-n-no, of course not, my leige! I was just on my way out to get the boy!" Starscream stuttered fearfully. Damn Megatron's manipulation.

"That's a good Seeker," Megatron grinned. Starscream didn't like that grin. It gave him shivers.

So without further ado, Starscream set off to find the boy.

* * *

"Pay up, Sunny!" Jazz said, stealthily peering inside the Decepticon base where he ever-so-sneakily planted the pillow. Why didn't the base alarms go off? Because Jazz was _just that good_. He's called Double-O Jazz for a reason, you know! Jazz held a hand out for his prize. "Told you Megatron would relate anything back to '_the boy_!'" the saboteur snickered.

"Ugh, fine, take it," Sunstreaker answered, pouting. Jazz happily took the high finish car wax as his reward.

"I must say, I'm quite proud of Starscream's fist-dodge," the saboteur continued, hopping down from his seat.

"Yeah, fine, whatever. Let's just get out of here, okay?" Sunstreaker complained. He was a really sore loser. "I gotta have Ratch fix up my paint job."

"For the_ fourth_ time today?"

"One, its only the _third_ time today," the Stingray growled, lashing out at -and missing- Jazz. Damn, he really was hard to hit. "And two, I actually have a paint chip that could cause me to rust into nothingness!"

"And we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?" Jazz replied in a falsely sweet voice. Ignoring Sunny's scowl, Jazz bounded forward. "Onward to Diego Garcia!"

* * *

Feeling satisfied, Megatron snatched the Pathetically Useless Fluff-Bag of Insignificance and reclined into a random chair. Unsurprisingly, the Pathetically Useless Fluff-Bag of Insignificance had ripped when he squeezed it earlier, and the feathers were falling out of it. Megatron pretended the feathers were the insides of a fleshling, and contentedly watched the feathers float to the floor.

Starscream, on the other hand, was nowhere near content.

"All this because of a damned pillow…curse you, Megatron!" Starscream lamented.

Oh, what an adventure was to come.

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**...I warned you it was a crack-fic. ;D**

**Yeaaaas, the adventure will be an exciting one.**


End file.
